Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
