She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
