Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
