Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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