Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
