Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
