You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
