I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
