Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
