Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
