drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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