Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
