He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
