Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
