I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
