yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
