You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
