I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
