Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
