to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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