Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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