this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
