peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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