you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
