kristin has been a bad kristin
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
