Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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