My underwear smells like fireworks.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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