Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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