Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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