mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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