So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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