Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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