Do you still have your period?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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