It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he thought i was a dude.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
