i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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