I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The struggles of a small town man whore
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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