dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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