1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
