Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
