whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
