she woke up with a sticky ear
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
