Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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