That's intense
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Jerry, you need to find god
I met the friendliest cop last night
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
