If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
