so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
