Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
