things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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