i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
