70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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