Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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