I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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