you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
She's like a pop up book from hell.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
