i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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