someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
