What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You ruined the universe
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
