Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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